Cape town trip and other things

So March arrived and I was in CT ... trying o tick one of my places off the bucket list. I did make it to Boulders beach and around the Cape point, was a beautiful drive around the coast.


So my first weekend was really jammed packed went for a pool party then to Shimmy which I've been dying to go for the last 3 years and I finally got to go. Was an  amaaazing night out with boys.. as expected :) Long street on Saturday night never disappoints was crazy insane, hitting Bobs bar is always a must to experience the total madness of long street.


Anyhoo Monday rolled right along and I was going for  a doctors check-up since seeing I was in CT, I was excited and then I wasn't :( Doctor said my knee was tangled and shredded apparently around my new knee contraption sooo I has to replace it with a button and do a patella resurfacing.


Its one month later and a 20 cm scar down my knee later but sort of healed, just fucken sucks I tell you. When will all this  end I hate being on crutches and unable to stand for long but that's life I guess.


I need a award for Something ... anything something mmm.. let me think about it but I deserve it for going through all this shit with a smile on my face.

Stronger

what doesn't kill you makes you stronger....


That's what they all say.


 I don't feel stronger.


I feel weaker, like its taken a lot out of me and like its going to keep taking until I have nothing left to give.

New Year but i be crawling where i wana go

Working in a university enviroment the new year always leaves you exaughsted and too tired to function.

Its beyond insanity pushing your mind and body to its limits with hundreds of student queries.Next minute you blink and its end of february.Its being a tough month to get through and my body not in working condition really sucks the life out of me.

My mind wants to do so much but i cant, i made a 2016 travel bucketlist in january; thought i wouldnt be heading for hospital this year but that shit is happening but like fukkit i will still make it and tick off places i can make it to.
 I want to do local places this year and leave December holiday plans up to the hubby.

* boulders beach CT
*oribi Gorge
*Mozambique
*Suncity
*Malaysia

TKR One year post op

So its been a year since my operation. Yay! one year ago since my new knee - leg watever. I started with biokentist on campus every week and gym in the evenings.Some weeks i over do it and have to sit out training or excercising  for a week.I trip and my  legs pain but i get up again. I'think its about getting back up again always after you fall or you get a setback.

You have to help yourself cos everyday is a struggle, you have to motivate yourself because you can't be like the rest.They wont break but you will.
Life is busy and carries on all of a sudden you dont have time to play games or worry about petty things or petty people, you just trying to survive.

I cant measure up to anyone cos i dont know anyone who has the same op as me.So its hard to know where my limits are or am i just being lazy and letting myself fall behind 'im so good at doing that'.

But im better and im getting there... i have to be.


 

Happy Birthday to me

Strange enough this year i dont have that overwhelming feeling of anxiety..that fear of I'm not where I suppose to be.Its a feeling I get every birthday where I analyze my life and where I really am on the measure up list.

Its been a hard year and I'm glad it's over,  for me well''

.I've learnt a lot this past year especially patience and perseverance. Nothing worthwhile comes easy.There's been these moments,,they came not once but many times where I felt helpless and like nothing can be worse than not being able to help yourself do the simplest of things, and then it I had to ask for help or let someone help me cos I can't do evrthing myself no matter how strongwilled or independent I think I am.

I realized that when I get older my parents won't be around to help me when I'm at my worst and you can't really rely and on anyone else to give u the help you need so what do u do...something I need  to think about!!

I feel at ease and calm I don't have to be anywhere or be anything at this moment.I'm just trying to make it through the day.

Lifes obstacles

Thinking back to the last years of my granny being alive, she always dressed up showed up  and wanted nice things.I still remember her in hospital asking me to get her a  new black bag.Her spirit never gave up, no matter how old or how sick she was.

So i sit here a week before my next operation,i feel like giving up on everything and like everything is at its worst, then i remember my granny and her amazing fighting spirit and zest for life.

I can do it.Just another obstacle in life.Its not the end.

Smile.. for no reason

It's so impossible to be invisible . everybody sees you,studies you and asks whats up with you?? I dislike seeing people i havent seen in ages

Now you have dress up and make up for being the centre of attention even though you rather just blend in with the wall or the crowd around you.

Almost done with being drugged up

So today decided to cash in on my  script from the doctor of Tramacet.

Ahh 3 months post op.Have been off the pain meds for while back at work and just working through the pain.

So I'm like immune to this pain killer.Totally amazing when you laying in hospital with a broken femur for two weeks . It really helped me get through the toughest pains at first before and after . Though after it made me really nauseous and stop eating for 3 weeks . not a pain killer for the weak.

So if you wana sleep for 3 days take one of that crazy ass drug if not don't even try that shit it's on a whole new level.

TKR physio time

So been doing my thing at Westville hospital twice a week . Physio is kewl never knew I could Do all the things I try there especially on the trampoline and sqauts. wow why would I do squats with the behind I have...anyhoo it's fun and I got no choice cause my physio is like a exercise policeman.

Get on that and do this and so many reps!!!

It's like a mini gym at the hospital.
So I see this Zulu lady every time I go she's sitting there outside the lift so I assume she's a nurse that always coming off her shift.

So I asked her and apparently she's there for dialysis three times a week . so I think I'm not so bad I still have my health and my functioning organs . Shukr alhamdullilah.

Spontaneous. ..maybe some other day

You hear let's do this and we'll I'm ever ready to take on the world and a second later you realise, well you can't . Maybe next time when you are able and you are better .

Being better is taking forever in my world.

So many months later

Sooo in October I had a little accident while in the shower and broke my femur . everything after that is kinda a blur I stayed 1 week in Westville hospital with my broken bones . While there I was told I had a tumour that weakened my bones and so I fell.

My next adventure took me onto Cape Town which lasted just over a month . I had to see a tumour and replacement specialist and there I had my surgery done. A new knee and femur and so it's 5 weeks after my surgery and I'm going for physio and trying to walk.

Life has been hard not being able to do things for your self and depending on  your family for help . I'm so blessed with so many people that helped me along the way and constantly pray for me.

So this year or the next few months will be trying to get back into normal things while hopping along.

Day 1 - 'You' .... but me we're the same person i think

So here's a silly selfie, I'm  really bad at taking pictures of myself :p #noedits

Photo a day

So my blog is empty and lonely and neglected so I decided to fill it up with irrelevant  and random pictures following a photo a day post thingy

 :D

Anxiety i call it maybe

I don't know what it is, I feel so lost like I don't know what to do next with my life!

Like I don't know where I suppose to be or what I suppose to have. I really cant  compare myself to anyone, everyone is different and at different stages in their life with their own dreams that they are in pursuit of.

I'm having little panic attacks or waves of anxiety. I normally just block things out and carry on with my busy life doing things but lately I feel like I want to just stay at home and be by myself *sigh*.


Maybe its change of environment or getting older or I just don't really fkn know, maybe I just need a kick in the right direction.

New adventure time

So my 3 years living on my own and living the quiet farm life is over.
Moved back to Durban last week. Starting a new chapter of my life,I  had a bit of hard time leaving my first home>Casa da Basha< which I loved very much it was perfect only just a bit too far from civilization and work.

Staying with the Rents while we sort our new place out. Its just piled up with boxes and bags until we have time to sort it out, moving from a 3 bedroom to a 1 bedroom little house is going to prove to be a quiet a challenge.
My parents have been kind enough to house all my clothes and whatever cant be accommodated in my little house.

Gosh I feel a bit overwhelmed, out of my comfort zone into the real world where everyone knows your face and your name.I'm running into people I haven't seen in like 10 years, mostly im trying to walk into shops trying to avoid eye contact.
Eish the things you have to go through.

So with all this extra time on my hands>actually takes away 2 hours of travelling everyday < my daily goal was just getting home and sleeping.
Now I have all this time that I do constructive things like maybe gym and just new avenues to explore mmmm....

Who needs Therapy~!

December 2013 -2014 Vacay Cape Town

Amazing tymz 2013/2014

Sunday after a hectic family weekend

Family Wedding - Dec 16

Another year gone by....

Its that time again when you blink and the year has just passed you by.

A bit of a mild anxiety attack, your mind races what have I done what haven't I done? Let me make a list  ''fuck that'' ill never get to that list ...Why because work just screws me over everyday taking up 90% of my everyday life leaving me with no time for myself.

I can't wait for December and my Cape Town holiday. Its been such a stressful planning with our letting agent letting us down and only last week found another house to rent for the Dec Vacation, but all is well hopefully I can't put up with that nonsense any longer.

Last couple of months were just survival mode, hopefully I can start sorting things thing that matter out.

I am number 1 in procrastinating.